Black Sirius Black
by SiriusUntiltheVeryEnd
Summary: Sirius is tired of his best friend being wopey over Lily Evans. Realizing that James won't get over Lily easily or ever him and Remus devise a series of events to bring Lily and James together.
1. Hey Jude

Girls blush, sometimes, because they are alive, half wishing they were dead to save the shame. The sudden blush devours them, neck and brow; They have drawn too near the fire of life, like gnats, and flare up bodily, wings and all. What then? Who's sorry for a gnat or girl? Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Lily's felt her cheeks ignite on fire as she glared at Potter.  
He smirked oh-so-arrogantly and shot her a wink.  
She wiped the pudding of her face and could pratically feel her radiating anger.  
He was going to die.  
Plain and simple.  
All her life she had lived a clean life with a few minor grey areas but this was her one time to go full on black and beat the living hell out of James Potter.

Over the years she had tried to ignore him assuming he must have just be not loved as a child but now she didn't care nor did it matter because she wasn't going to take it.  
Taking out her wand the head girl of Hogwarts knocked the headboy of his feet and made him break out in pimples and unpleasant looking warts all over.  
He withered uncomfortably on the floor and she smiled contently licking the pudding of the areas around her mouth.

Emmeline Vance broke out into loud laughter from the ravenclaw table along with Marlene who shot a spell at a laughing Sirius Black.  
Sirius fell onto the floor next to his dear friend as his whole body turned bright pink including his hair.  
Needless to say he wasn't laughing anymore.  
Alice walked in and rolled her eyes taking off the spell on them.

"HEY!" Marlene and Lily cried out at the same time.

Alice shook her head dismissively and looked at Lily.  
"You atleast should know better, your head girl Lily."

Then without another word she pulled out a book and stuck her nose in it.  
Lily however looked at the teachers table in shame and saw that McGonagall was giving her a look of disapproval that she was sure would be adressed later.  
"Why did I let him get to me?" Lily winied laying her head on the table.

"I wouldn't do that" Alice said without warning.

"Why?" Lily asked alertly sitting up.

Lily wore her hair up and the minute she put her head down a brownie stuck to it.

"Feel the top of your hair"

Lily followed directions and shrieked in anger throwing the brownie at James with excellent aim.  
Alice smiled softly shaking her head.

"Ugh i can't stand him"

Alice got up and Lily followed.

"You ever realize that you put your head on the table right onto the plate and that Potter actually did nothing right?"

Lily was shrugged.  
"Would have yelled him for something else eventually"

Sirius walked back to the dormitory with Remus having a plot in mind.  
Remus head deep in book had yet to notice the look in his dear friends eye.

"What's on your mind Padfoot?"

"Lily and James"

"What about them?"

"Well James has been after her since the train ride the first year right?"

"Yes"

"Well i think we need to speed the process along" Sirius hinted subtly.

Remus glanced up from his book and then groaned.  
"No Padfoot!"

"Come on Reme! It would bring so much less pain and energy to all!"

"You mean bring so much pain and loss of energy to you"

"True but come on wouldn't it be better if they just got together"  
"I mean you see the look on his face every time she turns him down he looks like a puppy that's been kicked too many times!"

"We have to do something hes our best mate"

Remus sighed and stopped trying to walk away from his percesistant friend.  
Their was truth in his words and as recklas as he was he had a good point and that was enough.  
"Fine we will try it but don't tell them"

"Why Prongs would be thrilled-!"

"Exactly and ruin everything" 


	2. Hate I Really Don't Like You

Two boys sat at opposite ends of a tree talking on a walky talky.  
One more ethused than the other.

"Okay operation thong is comensed"

"Are you seriously giving this mission a code name?"

"I made code names too! Prongs is Thong Boy, Evans is Vagina Vixen-"

"Oh...dear...god"

"Your Mr. Vibrator and I'm-"

"Let me guess trogan man?"

"Close captain condom"

Remus picked up a long stick and poked Sirius hard in the stomache.  
Sirius retailed by throwing his shoe at him.  
After a series of minutes the red head they were observing left book at hand.

"Hey moony?"

"What?"

"Can I have my shoe back?"

James sighed and ran his hand through his hair as he looked over todays shudule.  
He had to pick a theme for the dance for the 7th year formal, go to D.A.D.A, transfig,  
due his potions homework, quidditch pratice, dinner, headboy duties.  
Knowning that he had to get some food in him he took his books with him and went to breakfast.

Last night he had decided he would take Remus's advice.  
3 years too late maybe but he couldn't take another cold rejection with the same swagger any more.  
He mentally slapped himself for listening to Sirius in the first place.  
Then again as a 14 year old Sirius seemed like a relationship expert and he an ameture.  
Now he laughed at how stupid Sirius really was.  
His heart was in the right place he just was...well Sirius.  
A sexist, preverted, morron but so lovable you just had to laugh and shake it off.

Eating his food he ate and tried to finish read the required chapter for potions.  
He had put it off for so long out of the bordosity of it.  
Now his mood was depressed enough to actually do his work maybe Lily was right.  
Maybe he did ignore his responsiblities and maybe he was recklass.  
Was he a bad person?

Despite what Lily had said he held a contionuos and often bad about things he had done except Snape.  
He would have but Snape had shown his true colors when he became buddies with the slithern death eaters of hogwarts.  
She couldn't see that.  
All she saw was all his flaws and that she was much better than him.  
Which in his eyes he was but to everyone else they were equal.  
Even more than actually everyone but Lily could see that they were unnervingly perfect for each other.

Lily sat across from him and he had yet to say anything to her.  
She noticed.  
After the great hall inciddent she yelled at him in the Head dormitory ruthlessly.

"YOU ARE SUCH A PIGHEADED PRICK!"

James sighed and flipped the quidditch magizine carelessly.  
While she raged above him.

"YOU HAVE NO CONCERN FOR ANYONE BESIDE YOURSELF!"

He stood and yelled back not taking a direct insult lying down.  
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR MY FRIENDS!"

"I'm sure, you know what Potter your all words" she sneered unbecomingly.

"As opposed to you! Ms. Perfect who is good at everything and turns her nose down at everything!"

"Am i supposed to condone you and your friends for picking on younger students!"

"WAKE UP! I was helping him find his class and Sirius was kidding! Remus even told the kid that! You over react!"

Her face flashed red.  
"WHAT ABOUT 5TH YEAR AND SNAPE HUH? YOUR MOTHER SENT A HOWLER RIGHT?"

His face went livid at the mention of his mother.  
"You think you know everything but you don't know the first thing about friendship or love.  
Evans you know about education and the rules but you can't live your life without breaking a few and sooner or later you will realize that i have grown up maybe not to your standers but i have and i know i have my mistakes but unlike you i am human and make mistakes.

She looked pale as he got in her face for the last statement.  
"You wouldn't know the first thing about love because if you did you would realize that I LOVE YOU!"

He walked away realizing he had never yelled at a woman before.  
Not even his dead mother when she was alive.

Lily wanted to appologize she shouldn't have said those things especially about his mother. She heard that she had died and felt horrible for bringing it up.  
In her 7 years at Hogwarts this was the longest he had gone without talking to her.  
Ever.  
Even when she had strep throat and was in the hospital wing he (despite her protests) visted her every night with chocolates.

Smiling she thought of the time when he made her bed fill with flowers.  
Lily's.  
She pretended to be mad at the mess but inside she felt differently.  
Not knowing why or how she always managed to push the people who loved her away.  
Then it hit her.  
The people who love her included James.  
Though she wasn't able to admit it she knew it was true and it made her repel from faster.

"Admit it Moony you have always wanted such a great code name-!" Sirius exclamied ploping down next Remus.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes in response.  
"You are so deluded"

"Your just jealous" Sirius pouted and sulked for a moment before seeing two skanks flagging him down from the opposite end of the hall.  
"Ladies! Ladies! What time is it?!"

"Whip cream time!" The more plastic blonde exclaimed pushing out her breast to maxiumum limit.  
While the other applied more mascara to her already pasty looking face.

Remus sighed in slight amusement to himself.  
"No wonder he turns into a dog" 


	3. Feeling Good

"What-are-you-wearing-?!" Remus spoke slowly in utter disbelief.

"We -are- going-undercover"

"WE?!"

"You don't have to do anything i'm doing all the work!"

"I can see that"

"Don't I look pretty?"

"Hardly"

He had appearently attempted to make himself temperarely become a girl.  
Sirius being Sirius didn't quite wait the advised amount of time for the potion to stew.  
Case in point Sirius's less than attractive appearence.  
His face was the same except he had bright blue eyes and longer eye lashes.  
Hair wise it wasn't bad it was shoulder length black and wavy but his dressings and height was a bit much.  
Now the tallest girl at Hogwarts currently is 5ft 7in.  
Sirius was taller, he had to be around 5ft 11 when he was trying to be 5ft 2in.  
Plus his voice was extremely high and he was alittle too curvy.  
Then he wore theee smallest black dress Remus had ever seen.

"Your ass looks like a freight train" Remus exclamied in horror.

"Touch it"

"WHAT? HAVE YOU LOST IT-?"

"You know you wannnnnnnt to cause i'm tooo sexy for my shirt sooo sexy it huurtss annd iii"  
Sirius was dancing boobs bouncing, booty shaking all over the place as a woman.

To any one else Remus would have laughed in sympathy at the a story such as this but he could not find the strength.  
He simply didn't posses enough energy to cope with Sirius's antics.  
It took too much.  
"Leave"

"Don't you want to hear my plan!?"

Remus shook his head and shut the door on Sirius as he tried to stick his newfound booty in Remus's face.  
He sometimes pondered why he was friends with Sirius but then reasoned that it must do with the fact that he knew where he lived and his mothers name.  
Why oh why did Sirius have to introduce himself to his mother and not only charm her but make Remus seem like less of a son.

He knew Sirius was doing this for a good cause especially when he saw James's state for the past few weeks.  
Barely eating rarely talking and not pranking it was just not James.  
It screamed Lily but she was acting in the same manner so something must have happened.  
They fight all the time but it must have been a different kind of fight one where James yelled back.

James sat in the head's room and starred into the fire.  
Every time he looked at Lily he felt as though he was being stabbed in the heart.  
He knew he should move on and just date another girl but he could never manage to get Lily off his mind enough to try. Even the essence of her name made him smile.  
Mentally he slapped himself for acting so whipped over a girl that wasn't even his.  
Sirius would letchure him if he knew and James knew that Sirius would never be able to understand.

The main reason his best mate was so inlove with himself was that he was trained that he would be the only one that could be. Sirius never understood love except to his brothers he never saw how James loved Lily because he couldn't compute it.  
Then again he got ladies easily so he also couldn't get how James couldn't just get her to go out with him.

For the past month he hadden't talked to her and it hurt him to know that she probably loved this.  
In his mind Lily would never like him so why did he care so much about her?  
Rubbing his eyes irritably he looked over and saw the woman in question reading on the staircase.  
Probably enjoying the silence and he decided to give her what she wanted.  
He was going to leave her alone for good.

At dinner Lily sat with her friends but saw a new girl she had never seen sit next to her.  
She was very...vivacious.  
"Hello" the girl said in a very high tone almost physically painfull.

Lily could faintly smell a bit of firewiskey from the girls voice.  
The girl was very hairy and had very ...mascaline features.  
Serena (the girl) slipped something in Lily's drink when she wasn't looking.  
Serena wanted answers, drunk or sober it wanted them.

Sirius was totalled.  
Their was never anyone who was more amusing when drunk but poor poor Remus had to get the recieving end.  
He was sitting by Sirius so he wouldn't jump some unspeaking girl.  
Though Remus was a very intelligent person he had yet to discover how Sirius always got into these situations.  
After Remus gave Sirius a reversal potion he transformed back into himself.  
Remus was throughly disqusted at Sirius's attempt at woman looks when he left out key traits.

Remus rolled his eyes and prayed James would come and take Sirius off his hands.  
But if James himself wasn't sober it would make the situation much much worse.  
If theirs at least one thing worse than a drunk Sirius was a drunk Sirius and James.  
It was such a bad combo that words can barely describe the horror of it.  
James though knows when he's gone too far Sirius never does but when James is drunk that all goes out the window.

"Moony hahahaha!" Sirius cut off into fits of laughter.

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed wearingly.  
"What's funny Padfoot?"

"Your name is moooooooooooooooooony get it?"

"The sad thing is even when your sober you are an idoit" Remus sighed to himself amusedly.

"Reme?"

"Yes?"

"You wiiiiiish you were as hot as me!"

"Sirius, i told you when you were singing 'Rubber Ducky' in the bath tub,  
No Padfoot i don't wish i had a body like yours"

Sirius stood and got a look of glee before running into their bathroom before Remus could stop him.  
Remus sighed and went back to reading figuring to make the most out of these precious moments of quiet. It never lasted long though and this occasion was no exception.  
James walked in quietly and sat next to Remus.

"Why can't I just get over her Moony?"

Remus was about to answer, perhaps offer so sage like advice and sympathy towards his dear friend.  
But the bathroom door swung open.  
Revealing Sirius in a frilly pink dress.  
James and Sirius shared a look but Remus left the room and told James to stay with him.  
His excuse was " If I spend one more minute with him I might just... kill him"  
It wasn't really an excuse but the serious look and tone of Remus's voice said it all. 


	4. I'm Just A Kid

Lily fell in laughter holding onto her knees.  
Sirius had just walked down from the boy▓s dormitory.  
He wore no shirt, hadden't shaved in awhile, looked badly hung over and wore boxers that said "this way to the family jewels, proceed with pleasure"

"You should have seen him when we first found him"

flashback  
Sirius laid in a bath tub half naked and severely hung over.  
It was daylight and as his grey eye adjusted to the light he heard a knock on the door.  
He spun around in disoriented manner.  
"What▓s gong on?" he slurred.

Remus smiled at his friend and leaned against the wall and revealed James.

"James! I haven't seen you in...awhile.. How you doing? You bucko you!"

"I'm fine paddy"

"Have I introducedsce you two to Mr. Rubber ducky?"

"No, Moony he▓s still a little drunk"

Remus laughed as Sirius fell and grabbed a small yellow rubber duck.  
"Here it is, his name is Mr. rubber ducky cause he▓s the daddy"

"Can I see him Padfoot?" James asked suddenly.

"No, he▓s mine!"

"Sirius just for a minute"

"NO MR. RUBBER DUCKY RUN! FROLICK WITH ALL YOUR DUCKY FRIENDS!"

James grabbed the duck and shook his head.  
Sirius however to this as an extreme emotional blow and turned and pouted in the large bath tub.  
Remus laughed silently and then approached Sirius like an adult would a stubborn child.  
"Sirius you know that James needs Mr. Rubber Ducky"

"NO HE DOESN'T!"

Remus suddenly got a brilliant idea.  
"Sirius you know that Mr. Rubber Ducky is on a mission right?"

Sirius looked up curiously "He is?"

"Yes you know how Prongs has been down?"

"Yeah?"

"Well he▓s been working to make him feel better"

Sirius frowned "Well of course he was Mr. Rubber Ducky is the best father of all the rubber ducky▓s"

"So Sirius can Jame-?" Remus stopped when he realized he no longer had an audience.

Lily shook with laughter and looked at the now fully clothed but still drained Sirius in pity. "You really are a moron aren't you?"

"A lovable moron"

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed walking away but not before shooting a smile at James.  
Sirius looked shell shocked.  
"DID SHE JUST ACKOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTANCE WITH OUT ANGER OR HATE?"

James started laughing and clapped Sirius on the back "Come on mate let's go get food"

"James! She-!"

"I know Sirius"

"Did Remus talk to her?"

"Yes I believe he did"

"You know what this means right?!"

"What?"

"Not only is Thong boy and vagina vixen going to get together but we need to celebrate"

They both walked over to Remus and wrapped they're arms around him on each side.  
"Mate" Sirius started

"Their comes a time" James continued.

"When men need to celebrate"

"In a way only a man can"

"TOGA PARTY!" Sirius and James shouted in excitement and then started screaming down the halls.

Remus smiled widely.  
"I guess James is back" 


	5. Kung Fu Fighting

Lily sat on the edge of the couch with Sirius. She was waiting for Alice and she was sure that Sirius was waiting for Remus and James. Though this was not what caught her attention about Sirius's sudden appearence. Maybe it was that he was wearing long white robes and a matching white beard and hair that would rival Dumbledores.

Though for many years she wondered on his sanity she was mistified watching him sitt up statue like, drinking a goblet of chocolate milk with a pink bendy straw.  
Lily Evans had seen some pecular things from the maruaders, some she would rather not mention but this was definantly the most ...'off' one of all.

"Sirius?"

"Yes Ms. Evans? How may i assist you?"

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"I am clensing"

"Your clensing? What are you clensing?"

"My soul"

"That's very deep of you Sirius" Lily muttered trying to stiffle her laugh.

"Yes" Sirius mused stroking his beard.

Lily heard footsteps and turned around expecting Alice from the girls dormitories but instead recieving Remus from the boys dormitories. He held a book by his waist and sat next to Sirius. Without stopping for even explanation he drank from the goblet infront of Sirius. His hair grew and looked a much softer white then Sirius's.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Who has sexier hair?"

"Well discluding myself, your hair color is very valuable but Prongs's hair, its perfection color and texture insures its survival"

"So Prongs has sexier hair?"

"It's a valuable trait especially with the woman folk but you have a wider base of knowledge which is limitlessly untarnishable" Sirius patted him on the back then went back to stroking his beard.

Remus and Sirius sat their for a moment their eyes closed and the air very relaxed.  
Lily Evans wanted to shake them, WHAT WERE THEY DOING?  
WHY WERE THEY JUST SITTING THEIR WITH WHITE BEARDS?  
WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD THEIR BE FOR DOING THIS!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lily once again heard footsteps coming down the stairs and she knew without knowing how, that it was James. She turned and wasn't dissapointed, only further confused. James also took a swig from the mysterious goblet and as his dark white beard grew in logical Lily was going crazy.  
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THESE THREE?

"Remus what is Black doing?"

"Clensing his soul"

"And what is Potter doing?"

"Clensing his soul"

"And what are you doing?"

"Cle-"

"DON'T YOU EVEN SAY IT!"

Remus stayed silent.

"Well?"

Sirius's eyes snapped open. "Leave"

"What why?"

"You are harshing my mello"

"I'm harshing your..mello?" she said slowly sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"You are putting a negative damper on our spirt join or leave"

"Join?" she scouffed.

"You scared Lily?" James questioned her not opening his eyes.

"Scared? me?"

"Yes you, afraid that you actually might learn something and have fun."

"But if you are simply here to critisize our activites of the day of Confusious leave"

Lily paused about to simply leave the crazied three when James's voice rang in her ear. 'You scared?' she was scared to ever try anything knew for fear of rejection and he knew it. She moved for the door but found herself rooted to the floor by no magical spell but more her filtered consious. Groaning she took a swig of the drink and sit with them on the couch.

"What do i do now?"

"Listen"

She giggled slightly at her newly acquired beard petting it slightly.  
Stopping only when Remus shot her a dark look. Lily closed her eyes and frowed her eyebrows, she then heard Sirius whisper something.

"When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves. "

"I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge; I am one who is fond of antiquity, and earnest in seeking it there. "  
Remus spoke suddenly from her left.

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. " Sirius spoke softly.

"He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good. " James said last.

A moment of silence passed before Lily realized it was her turn she racked her brain for a confucius quote.  
"Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it. "

They sat their for who knows how long just sitting their.  
Lily didn't even think about it she was in some sort of an addictive trance.  
Her mind felt very balanced and she felt herself floating not literarly but spirtarly.

Sirius stood and the others followed.  
They breathed out deeply then James stood in the center.  
"Now the annual"  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alice Prewett rushed down the stairs knowing she would meet a much irritable Lily Evans.  
She couldn't understand normally why she made such a fuss but now she was over an hour late from over sleeping and could perhaps see why the red head would be a bit upset.  
Now her mind wondered, what did she do while she was waiting? Read a book perhaps?

Reaching the last step her jaw dropped.  
Maybe she wouldn't be reading but surely not the sight infront of her.  
Lily evans wore white robes and had a white beard and hair. Of course that wasn't it.

"Hit him on the left!" "Tickle her neck with your beard!" James and Remus shouted in unison sitting a table off to the side.

Remus and James were commentating on the match they were equipt with magical microphones and everything.

"Ohhhhh and Evans takes a whip to the face! OOOOH Evans sends a backwards hair slap, that's gotta hurt.  
I haven't seen a move like that since the events were instated in 74' "

"Well Prongs this is a time where he has to knock her down completely or it's all over. Oh and hes reaching for the pillow!"

"OOHH and Evans goes Dow-, BUT WAIT SHE SPINS AND KNOCKS BLACK DOWN! EVANS WINS!"

"Talk about turn of events Prongs, Padfoot was favored to win 3 to 1"

"Well Moony he underestimated her skill, she had to take him out otherwise his competitive nature might have gotten in the way"

"Nothing worse then the path to victory blocked eh Prongs?"

"Since when did you become clever Moony?"

"You were just to girl crazy to notice Prongs"

"Oh okay"

Lily and Sirius bowed to eachother.

"Well that concludes that match the first in four years that Black has not won or atleast tied and the first woman to compete too, a red head at that"

"And I believe you know what they say about red heads anger don't you Prongs?"

"A little too well. This is Prongs"

"And i'm Moony"

"Signing out!" they shouted in unison. 


	6. Can't Be Stopped

"LILY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!?" Alice shrieked in outrage.

"I'm just going to hogsmede with them, calm down"

"CALM DOWN? YOU ARE GOING TO HOGSMEDE WITH YOUR ARCH NEMASUS!"

"They aren't that bad once you get to know them-"

"NOW I KNOW YOU HAVE GONE NUTS!"

"Listen Alice, I already said yes have fun with Frank" Lily told her pushing her out of the dorm.

"Don't come complaining to me when-" Alice was cut off by the door drowning out her voice.

"Merlin you would think having a boyfriend would calm her down"  
"Appearently not" Lily sighed and pulled a sweater over her green long sleeved shirt.

Hearing a knock on the conjoining door she rolled her eyes and opened it to find James leaning on the doorway.  
He walked in causually and laid down on her bed. She continued brushing her hair and rolled her eyes at him.

"Your bed is comfier then mine"

"Good to know"

"Almost ready?"

"Why is their some sort of deadline?" Lily questioned sarcastically turning halfway around.

"No just Sirius being...Sirius"

"You guys have been friends for too long"

"We've been friends same amount of time as you and Alice"

"You guys though... your like goofy brothers"

"I see we have grown from two mindless toe rags to two goofy brothers. I'm touched"

"Don't let it get to your head Potter" She said in a warning tone but still gave him a smile.

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER!"

"Is that-?"

"Of course it is"

Lily closed her door and followed James down to the head common room.  
Sirius stood in a black cape and pair of black sunglasses with his hood up.  
James folded his arms.

"What seems to be the trouble Padfoot?"

"I may or may not be on the run from the law"

"SIRIUS!" Lily yelled in outrage.

"I just made a few minor bets and now I have ...a slight problem"

"What kind of problem?"

"Do you have any money?"

"Not on me, just a few gallons"

"That will prove to be a problem...Okay we must depart for Hogsmede"

"That's fine but Lily you should probably stay here..."

"I'm not a child James! If your tough enough to go I surely am" Lily retorted fiercly walking out of the portriat hole.  
"Comming boys?"

"Damn Prongs... you have admire that kind of ...oooooh fiesty!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly then went back to his face expression.  
"Let's roll"

James sighed and starred up at the ceiling.  
"Merlin help me"

"Now would be a great time to explain" Lily told Sirius as they headed toward the Hogs Head.

"Okay so I got into an argument a week with this guy...long story short I just need to negotate him not to ...well over react"

James grabbed a large block of wood and hood it under his robes Lily looked at him oddly "You never know"

Lily walked in front and walked to the man that Sirius indicated.  
The man had a gotee and was very robust in his torso. He looked like a man that would be very difficult to knock over, James and Sirius exchanged looks.  
They're hands underneath their robes tightened on their wands, they might need them.

"So do you have my money?" The man growled scroufly.

"Not...technically"

The man rose to his full stature, 6ft 10. "Padfoot i'm going to kill you"

"You can't kill me if we are already dead" Sirius gulped back.

"Sir what much exactly does he owe you?"

"47 gallons"

Lily let out a low whistle and sent James a 'we are so screwed right now' look.  
He sent back a 'Are all the exits occupied?' look.  
She nodded and got pale at the tower of a man infront of her.

"I want my money" The man grumbled pulling Sirius up by his colar causing Sirius's adams apple to bob.

"Can we work out some sort of payment plan?"

"GIVE-ME-MY-MONEY!"

James acted quickly took out the guys knees, punched the guy next to him out and grabbed Lily's hand.  
"RUN!"

"SHIT! PADFOOT IF WE EVER LIVE THROUGH THIS-!" James breathed out sprinting at full speed.

"I KNOW I'M DEAD!" Sirius answered looking over his shoulder nervously.

The three stopped suddenly breathing heavily snow falling thickly around them.  
Remus stood at the fence of the shreiking shack with a bag and a look of confusion.  
Then again his two best friends were out of breath and were with Lily Evans, someone who normally strove to stay away from them.

"Did you SEE the guy go down?" James breathed in amazement.

"I knew you could punch Prongs but Merlin you knocked him out cold"

"Wait... i'm mad at you!"

Sirius wrapped an arm around James and Lily's shoulders.  
"Think not! Act only!"

James shook his head and put his arm around Remus's shoulder.  
"You-don't-want-to-know mate."

James jumped onto the couch and caught the bottle Sirius carlessly at him.  
Remus sat in a moth eated chair and Sirius laid across the floor.  
Lily sat on the floor leaning on the couch in which James resided.

"Okay boys ...NOT IT!"

"NOT IT"

"fuck! Come on!" Sirius winied pouting.

"It's maruader rules Paddy" James shrugged unconcernedly.

"Damn it" Sirius shrugged to himself pushing the bag over to Remus.

James grabbed a bottle opener the pulled up the table sitting up straight. Remus walked over and sat next to James.  
Sirius pulled up a chair and Lily followed the suit uncertainly.

"What exactly are we doing?"

"Well we are playing I never and Sirius can't play until the 2 round"

"How many rounds are there?"

"8 but you take a sip instead of the usual shot, makes it last longer you see."

"How do you lose?"

"The first person to take 8 sips the first round loses and has to remove an article of clothing as per the winners choice"

Lily starred at Remus blankly for a moment waiting for the 'april fools' moment but it never came.  
His expression remained completely serious and Sirius pulled out the plastic cups from the bag.  
She shook her head in disbelief, they could seriously think she would do this!

"You guys really can't be stupid enough to believe that I would get drunk with you three!"

"You don't have to play and in the worst case seniro of losing every round you will have drank 3 quarters of firewiskey.  
The clothes thing your wearing 5 layers? You can get creative if you wish. What are you afraid of Evans?" James mused teasingly.

"Just for that i'm going to beat you Potter! I'm in"

"Alright! James you start"

"I never kissed a man"

Lily shot him a glare and took a sip " I never went skinny dipping in the black lake"

Remus and James both took a sip Lily looked confused "Now who loses then?"

"You play until there are two people with high ones then you, like if Prongs and Moony got another one and you didn't then you win"

"Oh, Remus your turn"

"I never asked out Lily Evans" Remus smirked proudly seeing the glare from James.

"Thanks mate"

"Anytime"

"I never wore a pink thong"

Lily and Remus took a sip to his own dismay. Sirius and James jaws dropped at Lily "WHEN WAS THIS?"

"Prank you Remus?"

"Obviously a prank, they aren't really the sort of thing one would find comfortable"

"Right Moony, keep telling yourself that" Sirius patted him on the back.

"Your an ass Padfoot"

"Okay so Ms. Lily wins, Who do you want to-"

"James coat" Lily cut him off much to her susprise.

"Okay I never... sent a girl flowers"

James and Remus both took sips.

"Moony really? Who?"

"Never you mind!"

"Aww it's Marlene isn't it?"

"Shut up Prongs"

"Fine be close hearted, I never wore a pink tutu..."James smirked arrogantly at Sirius.

"One time and your pinned for life" Sirius growled taking a sip.

"Lily no? I picked you as the tutu type" Remus remarked.

"I hate tutus, anyway I never wore men's clothing."

"Damn you Evans" Sirius glared noticing his his taily raising.

An hour later.  
Sirius was fine, Remus was slightly sluggish, Lily was just tired and James...oh he was the best.  
He lost 5 times and celebrated by drink a full cup much to Lily's amusement and disapproval.  
Sirius had Lily over his shoulder while Remus was monitoring James.

"SKY ROCKKETS IN FLLIGHT! OHOH OH AFTERNON ...DELIGHT!" James burst out tone defly.

"James shhh!" Remus attempted grabbing James's arm.

"I WON'T LET YOUUUU STOPP ME! You just wanntt the trophhue forr youurrssef!"

"Come on Jamess thiis wayy!"

"Noo!"

"Thiss way looook the building it's shinny!"

"It's huuuuuuge and large and ginarmousoiusous! Hehe PADFOOOOT! PADDDDDFOOOOOOT!"

"What?"

"I made up a word wanna hear it?"

"Not really"

"GINARMOUSIUSOIUSOUS! ISN'T IT COOOOOOOOL!"

"The height of cool" Sirius laughed.

"Youuuu knoow whatt that reminds mmee offf remuous!?"

"Whaaat?"

"I WANNA HIPPOPATUMAUS FOR CHRISSSSSTMA-" James stopped as he ran into a tree.

Remus fell down laughing next to James and Sirius was shaking with laughter.  
Lily was humming some child tune, James had a red mark on his forehead, Remus was drunk and James was totalled.  
Yet what was Sirius's state of mind? Having won most of the the rounds he had a mild headache from James and Remus.  
Irony was a fickle thing. 


	7. All We Know

Sirius set down a tray of food obxiously and loudly on the table in the heads common room. Being the only one (for the first time in years) to be the only sober one he decided to get all his necessities done for the day. Remus was alive but he had a hangover and was desperately trying to stay awake. James was sprawled across the couch out cold.

Lily was lying on James's chest and she had stirred several times but she never opened her eyes.

Without any hesitation or thought as per usual he took a fog horn out of his right pocket.

"Moony cover your ears"

Remus yawned and covered his ears drowsily. Sirius mumbled a spell then pushed the button then watched amusedly as James jolted upward almost knocking Lily off of him. His hair was everywhere and his glasses fell to the floor. Slowly rising he sat back up on the couch and pulled Lily back onto his chest without a thought. Dark circles formed under his eyes as a very large headache migrated into his brain his face turned pale.

"How much did we drink last night?" James mumbled disoriented.

"Not a lot actually you probably have a head ache from falling out of that tree" Sirius replied pleasantly.

"Tree?" Remus piped in from the floor.

"Well chaps it is three weeks until Christmas which means what boys?"

James groaned "Oh dear god"

"That's right my honorary Christmas list!"

Sirius passed them each a list and gave James a dirty look.

"I don't care if you are Jewish Prongs I get twelve Chanukah presents then! If you are going to play that card"

James scowled and looked at the list.

"Seriously!? You must be joking! I'm not buying you thongs! Why in the hell would you ever NEED them?"

Sirius snickered "Oh I don't it's just the thought of someone actually going in and getting them for me is the present."

"Your a sick, sick man Padfoot" Remus sighed patted him on the back as he read a few items.

"Its 6xl boys if that is your present of choice" Sirius smirked arrogantly.

James snorted "Sure it is"

"Speaking of condoms Lily looks pretty content on your chest their" Sirius smirked strictly.

James rolled his eyes "Shut up Padfoot"

"What all I'm saying is she is being generally warmer to you maybe it's time to go to the next level-"

"Padfoot sorry to interrupt your hormones but the next level would be dating. Which I'm very interested in but not to get into her pants."

Sirius cough-laughed " Honestly it's been years and she only recently has tolerated your existence."

"You wouldn't understand Sirius. Your most complexed emotion is your love of pudding. Not very deep mate"

Sirius almost looked stricken "I beg to differ! Of all the foods pudding is the most versatile and taste of the lot! The way Wormtail goes on about cheese you would think it was royal food."

"Where is he anyway?"

"He said he had detention. He's been getting that a lot lately...we must be rubbing off on him eh Prongs?" Sirius smiled brightly at the thought not knowing how wrong he was.

"Yeah you think" Remus scowled disapprovingly.

"Oh please moony you know you love us" James joined in.

"Now boys since we didn't shop yesterday we must today and here are your hangover potions"

James and Remus grabbed a goblet and chugged it down. "Ahhh much better" James sighed feeling the after effects fading.

"Moon does she look like a light sleeper to you?"

"I don't think so after last night"

"Well I think I'm going to go put her in her bed"

"Why in heavens-"

"Because if she wakes up like this she would kill me and it's far too early to be running away from Lily Evans."

Sirius shared a look with Remus "It's never to early"

James shot them a look then proceeded to carry her bridal style up the stairs.

"Don't worry" He told Lily "You will be fine"

Sirius walked over to Remus and flashed his infamous smirk.

"You sure you saw her eyes open Moon?"

"Positive Padfoot"

"It seems our plan has been working quite nicely it was good of Frank to persuade Alice to hang out with him instead of the usual with Lily."

"I think he had an alternative motive though Padfoot"

"I already know they are dating, they have been haven't they?"

"No I mean I think he proposed"

"Merlin" Sirius gasped in surprise.

"Want to go congratulate him?"

"'Course, leave a note for Prongs he will probably just stay here and work on quidditch scenarios for next week"

"Big game Slithern vs. us but...well we know is going to win" Remus shrugged walking out of the portrait hole and into the charms hallway.

"Please Moony! With me as beater they don't have a rat's ass of a chance. Speaking of which while we are at it why don't we see Peter on our way"

"He'd like that. We should stop and get food"

Sirius placed a hand over his grumbling stomach "Right their with ya mate"

James (doing exactly what Sirius predicted) was slaving over a mock quidditch field trying to come up with some great trick plays to fool their mortal enemies; the slitherns. As he went over play after play he didn't notice someone come down the stairs and steal a goblet of the hangover tray. Grabbing an apple he took a bite and scribbled circles and arrows with different colored markers. He took another bite off his apple and started work on the next blank board. Lily sat next to him and laid back against the arm rest. James stopped and turned to her.

"Oh Lily...How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine"

"You sure you're not a little drunk?"

"I took the hangover potion I'm just drowsy" She mused curling up into a ball.

"Okay, you want anything? Some orange juice sound good?"

"Yes please"

James put down his board and poured a goblet of orange juice.

"Here you go, drink up"

"Thanks...what happened last night?"

"Oh we got drunk and Sirius and sort of Remus got us back here"

"Ohhh. What are you doing?"

"Quidditch plays for next week's game"

"Oh...ahhh I completely forgot to do Christmas shopping I wonder If I go to Dumbledore-"

"Lils we are going today"

"It's Sunday Potter their isn't Hogsmede today! Oh god now I'm going to have to make things to give people. I'm not at all artistic-!"

"Lils I know you think little of my intelligence but Remus, Sirius, Probably Peter and I are going to Hogsmede today. You can come with us if you want-"

Lily ranted standing up, all signs of sleep now gone and anger gone "OH no no no! First thing quit calling me Lils. Second of all there are no scheduled Hogsmede trips today!

Third of all if you are going that means that you are breaking rules-"

James stood and rolled his eyes "Merlin Lily live a little"

"Your head boy James you shouldn't be doing this and last night was completely irresponsible! I can't believe we missed the buggies back and we got drunk!

We are supposed to set an example for the younger students! What if someone saw us?"

James smiled brightly and crossed his arms.

"And just **what **do you find so funny?!

"You"

"AUGGGGH!" Lily shrieked angrily.

"Do you know why?"

"You're impossible Potter! The moment I begin to like you...you you... Infuriate me!"

James grabbed her shoulders gently.

"You love me and it scares living shit out of you"

"LOVE YOU! As if! See you are conceited! Me love you crazy!" She ranted moving out of his grip.

"Say you hate me then" James smiled knowingly.

"I hat...I hate! uGHHH!" Lily screamed in outrage storming up the stairs quickly.

James ran after her quickly and she passed by him and was suddenly fully dressed and heading for the grounds.

"Get away from me Potter!"

He chased after her until they got onto the snowy grounds.

Stopping her he took her in his arms and kissed her tightly and passionately.

Pulling away he looked her directly into her emerald eyes.

"I know you love me and I know it scares you but I love you and I would never hurt you!"

"YES YOU WOULD!" Lily replied weakly.

"Do you really believe that or do you want to so you can fight it?"

"I don't KNow" she cried out.

"Lily I love you. Only you since the first moment I saw you."

"Then why did you treat me so badly?"

"Would you have noticed me otherwise?"

Lily looked down tears evident on her face " No but. this can't work we are too different!"

"I don't think we are at all. I think we have the same values but we go about it in different ways" He told her gently stroking her cheek.

"But-"

"I know"

"So for the last time, will you Lillian Marie Evans go out with me?"

"Yes"

Biting her lip Lily allowed herself to look into his hazel eyes and that was it she was hooked. Then he kissed her gently. It was pure bliss. She couldn't remember ever feeling happier when...of course the moment was ruined by our resident man whore.

A snow ball was hurled at their faces and hit them with perfect position.

"Christmakuh has come early my friend!" Sirius smirked arrogantly flipping back his black hair.

James and Lily shared a look then walked slowly in different directions.

"You should have known better Padfoot"

"What to have messed with you?" Sirius replied in an old western like tone.

"Oh no you maybe a match for me old friend but you are no match for LILY!" James yelled as him and Lily threw several snow balls at Sirius.

"NOOOO!" Sirius cried out mellow-dramatically as he was pelted with snow.

Remus appeared with a weary smile next to an oddly pale Peter.

"Hello Padfoot"

"MOONY! WORMTAIL! SAVE MEEEEE!"

Remus smirked and nudged Peter whispering something

"It's judgment day Sirius Orion Black" Remus began.

"And you have been weighed"

"You have been measured"

"And you have been found wanted"

"Here's your reward" Remus finished as he and peter covered Sirius with snow.

"NOOOOOO!" Sirius screamed in fake pain.

James put his arm around Lily amusedly.

"Your friends never do anything in a normal fashion do they?" She laughed enjoyable.

"Do you really want the answer to that?"

"No not really"

"Come on Mrs. Potter!" He teased happily.

Lily stopped and glared at him "Just because I'm dating you doesn't mean we are getting married"

"Sure you aren't"

"Why would I marry someone so conceited?"

"Because I'm deviously attractive" James winked at her pompously.

"Oh god you sound like Sirius!"

"You better get used to it he is going to be the godfather of all our children"

"No child of mine would be left in his hands!"

"So you agree you will marry me and have my children?"

"NO! I'm saying no child of mine would be left to him he can barely take care of himself besides I would never marry you!"

James continued on dreamily "They will all have the infamous black hair and look like me in every respect but the eyes"

James stopped and smiled.

"They will have your eyes"

"You are delusion"

"Nope"

"You're blind then"

"See I have my glasses on so I don't think so my dear"

"Really so you can see everything then?" Lily smirked evilly.

Lily grabbed a snow ball and threw it in James's face.

"Did you see that?"

"Why you little COME BACK HERE MRS. JAMES POTTER!" He yelled chasing after her.

Sirius stood behind a tree and gave the signal to Peter.

"FIRE!"

Remus was pelted with snow.

"You both are stupid-"

Sirius hit him square in the face and laughed loudly.

"Very mature Sirius but you underestimated one thing."

"What is that Moony?"

"Your Allies" Remus smirked as James and Lily hit Sirius and Peter with a bucket of snow each.

Falling to the ground in laughter Remus's face stopped for a moment and saw everything in slow motion. It was the one memory he would always cherish because it was the last time they were all happy. Sirius and James were fighting intensely with their wands to through snow and block it while Lily had Peter cornered.

Remus shaking his head stood and fired some snow at Lily.

"Oh...shit!" Remus yelled as Lily hurled curse after curse at him.

James laughed enjoyably "Ha...never mess with Mrs. James Potter"


End file.
